by JP Infante
In a brothel outside of Addis Ababa, Ethiopia, an English archaeologist finds a clay tablet with Latin writings. After careful study, historians believe it is the reproduction of a letter written by John the Apostle.
In the letter, the youngest of the apostles writes to a woman he calls “the secret” or “the answer.” Scholars have not determined the translation for the word he uses to refer to this woman but suspect it could be a pet name of some sort. John explains his confusion after learning that the Virgin Mary, Jesus’ biological mother, and Mary Magdalene, Jesus’ lover, are the same person.
After news spreads of the discovery of this clay tablet, the brothel’s profits skyrocket. Christians and Catholics of all denominations bid for rooms. Some of the sex-workers are not surprised to find that some of these religious folks have been regulars before the discovery.
Pope Francis addresses the findings of John the Apostle’s letter during his visit to Haiti. He speaks in English to a disappointed and bored audience.
Pope Francis says, “Your Virgin Mother is a side-chick-whore and your side-chick-whore is your mother. They are the same women.”
The use of the word women (plural) as opposed to woman (singular) confuses news pundits reporting the news. No one knows if the Pope was speaking about Jesus’ side-chick whore or everyone’s virgin mother in general.
JP Infante is an award-winning writer, educator and Borough of Manhattan Community College alumni. His audiobook/ebook digital Buying Cocaine is available at infantejp.com . His forthcoming chapbook La Kapital (DWA Press 2021) is a collaboration with visual artist Leonardo Ilianov that explores Dominican Identity and masculinity. His debut, On the Tip of Your Mother’s Tongue, is the winner of Thirty West’s 2020 Chapbook Contest and his short story, “Without a Big One,” won the PEN Robert J. Dau Short Story Prize for Emerging Writers and appears in PEN America Best Debut Short Stories for 2019. He holds an MFA from The New School.
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